i Have The Best friends EVER

- for being the only peeps who understand "how much i love food"

- for giving me the chance to talk over and over again about silly things 

- for having the best times ever when at work

- for taking me to 9alat eljyam today "it really felt good"

- for not hesitating to pull my clothes or even hit me in the head when i say or do something wrong

- for being the best "fene 7asha" buddy when am desperately in need for one

-for helping me when am into too much pressure and i still have lots of unfinished task

-for being there when i feel like gaging and nagging

- for making me feel that "i really grew up" even though "F.alsha6i don't believe so" :P

luv u friendaty el3azezat

ps: this post is just for F.alsha6i and F.mu6 

I Am my worst enemy

i admit that i mistreat myself  ..

how ?

by forgiving people while i shouldn't and for giving them chances even without them asking

of course am not an angel and i don't act like that with everyone one but here comes the problem:
it's those people whom i choose to make special and definitely don't deserve being so

i know i need to fix thing in my life and change the way i think and bla bla blaa but whom am i trying to lie to .... it doesn't work

the other thing that made me realize how bad am i to myself is :
gosh i hate to even believe it but , the way i think of my self .
for example i know that it's stupid to be like this but when something goes wrong i always blame me even if i did nothing wrong and then i make it even worst by punishing my self
crying
running after things not because i want them but because i convinced me that i do after being rejected

funny thing but i do have the habit of pushing the people who want me and treat me right away and going after what's dark, mysterious and scary " anything that runs away is an attraction to me"

so am i being stupid or am i a big FAT drama queen

WTF with me :s ??

hideous

wow am amazingly stupid

i have this habit of forgetting my blog "as in literally" forgetting the web site

and then i spend days and weeks  googling  to finally get all the silly results , and non of them include my blog

eventually i realize that i could simply just enter the original website and sign in from there


!!

(2)

اختياري لك يتجاز حدود الرغبه ...يلغي اراداتي الحره ...

يتعنت باشتهاءاته  فتكون انت لكل تفسير معنى

فبينهم وبينك

انت قاموسي الذي استقي منه مفرداتي

وانت مرآتي التي ارى فيها انعكاساتي

ومن بينهم جميعا انت ذلك الطيف الذي يطوقني..ويحوم حولي ليعزلني عنهم

ليبقيني له وحده... فيرسمني انعزالا عنهم

وانفصالا عن الواقع

ويتركني صوره طبق الاصل مما يريد

...

لا يهم... ان ضعت بينهم 

لا يهم

ولا يهم ..ان نسيتهم 

لا يهم

ولن يهم ان حاوطتني بجدران..فما دمت بقربي

لن يهم 

(1)

قبلت بك...قلبا وروحا وجسدا... اجل قبلت بك
قبلت ولم اعلم ان كل تلك الاقاصيص التي حاوطتني بها.. لم تكن سوى حيطان خرافيه شيدتها لتأسرني.


.لتقيدني بحدودك وعالمك 


لتبقيني بقربك كظلك الذي لا يفارقك ..
وان كل ما القيته على مسامعي يوما لم يكن حقيقه..
لم يكن سوى وهم رقص يوما على مشاعري فاستباحها ..
جئتني يوما بكل وعودك ..قاطعا اشواطا من الخيال ..قدمت لي رجلا وزوجا وابا على عتبات قلبي
علقتني بما ليس لي ... اغدقتني بمشاعر لم ولن تمتلكها ابدا حتى حضيت بي فاسدلت الستاره


وبقيت انا اندب حبا ادركني مسبقا فقادني لرثاء العمر
واندب حظا ادركك رفيقا وخلا ما صان يوما عهوده


ولم تكتفي ظلما فلا انت راحل فتعتقني..ولست بباق فترحمني


انت فقط في المنتصف..تمتلكني ولست احظى بك
تامرني..تاسرني وحتى هذه الساعه تقيدني... بلا شيء


لا امل
لا حب
ولا رفقه


لا شيء سوى كلمات اشحذها تباعا ... وقصر مهدوم بجانب مخدتي .. اغفو على بقايا حطامه
ورائحه تبغك تداخلت في انسجتي


ومازلت انتظرك....

sharing is caring !!

who am i : no one or maybe just another princess in life

why should you be here : no reason , unless you are interested in knowing nothing and realizing nothing

belovilola : signed by me ;*