I Am my worst enemy

i admit that i mistreat myself  ..

how ?

by forgiving people while i shouldn't and for giving them chances even without them asking

of course am not an angel and i don't act like that with everyone one but here comes the problem:
it's those people whom i choose to make special and definitely don't deserve being so

i know i need to fix thing in my life and change the way i think and bla bla blaa but whom am i trying to lie to .... it doesn't work

the other thing that made me realize how bad am i to myself is :
gosh i hate to even believe it but , the way i think of my self .
for example i know that it's stupid to be like this but when something goes wrong i always blame me even if i did nothing wrong and then i make it even worst by punishing my self
crying
running after things not because i want them but because i convinced me that i do after being rejected

funny thing but i do have the habit of pushing the people who want me and treat me right away and going after what's dark, mysterious and scary " anything that runs away is an attraction to me"

so am i being stupid or am i a big FAT drama queen

WTF with me :s ??